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Letting go

Letting go can be tricky if we are holding on to the past but as things are always changing, it’s kind of necessary. To let go, is simply a choice not to put your energy into the thing you are aiming to let go, remembering that energy includes money, time, thoughts etc. Instead, putting your energy into where you want to go, into the things that you desire. Here are the top ingredients to support you in letting go:

1.Mindfulness

Being mindful is about bringing an awareness to your energy and where you are putting your precious energy. It takes an awareness of your internal world as well as what you’re putting out. Becoming aware of this allows you to notice when your energy is going towards the thing you are aiming to let go and allows you to stop and redirect your energy. For more information, read my post here on the basics of mindfulness.

2.Trust

It seems so contrary to say that a key to letting go is trust especially when often letting go of a person or relationship can be from a break in trust, a betrayal or some other hurt. But what I mean here is a TRUST IN YOURSELF and something larger than yourself, that it’ll all work out and that you will attract what you desire when you are ready for it. Trust too that you have learnt the lessons that you need to attract what you desire. We often feel afraid that we won’t find someone else who will love us, so we can’t let go of the person that once gave that to us. Or we may be afraid that we will make the same mistake again in the future if we don’t understand what’s happened in the past, so we end up over-analysing, trying to seek meaning or understanding. Trust that you will attract what you desire. Believe that you will and you will. I have written about how trust develops here and about rebuilding trust here.

3. Gratitude

Being grateful helps you to appreciate what the experience, person or thing has taught you, changed you and how it has helped you or others around you. There is always a silver lining. What is it in this situation? Be thankful for that. Gratitude allows you to attract more of the good things from the situation in the future. More information about gratitude here.

4. Forgiveness

Yourself. And the other. In the Energy Clearing work that I do with people, I always include forgiveness. Forgiveness, in my view, is about taking responsibility for the part that you played in the situation, how it has affected you, understanding that you were just doing the best that you knew how, based on your conditioning, your age, your personality, who you are. Forgiveness of others is the same. It is essential in being able to let go.

5. Feel

Letting go requires a loss in one form or another. It’s okay to grieve that loss. To remember what you had and to feel the loss of losing that. Allow yourself to enter into that and understand all the many aspects of the loss but don’t stay there! Then, be grateful and move on. If you notice sensations returning again, allow them and move on. Here is a quick meditation that can help you to accept any feelings and sensations that you have:

 

6. Accept the process

Sometimes letting go is a process. That’s okay too. You may feel that you are able to let go of part of something, but not all of it. That’s ok. Keep focussing on what you want to attract and being your true self and those things will have less appeal.

7. Action

Make the choice to let go and move forward towards the things you want. Read more about attraction here.

 

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Attraction

Surely I am not alone in this. It’s that moment(s) when you have been doing the affirmations, you have been setting your goals, you are doing everything you can and you are just not there. You feel disheartened and like giving up. I have been there but throughout it all I have understood something really important:

In order to attract the things that we want, we have to clear the resistance.

The very fact that you are noticing the discrepancy is showing you who you are. There is something within you, some patterns, conditioning, some beliefs that are contrary to the thing you are trying to attract. We call this Resistance. You can have contrary beliefs at the same time. You may believe for example, that you are a good person and worthy of good things but you may also believe that people who are rich are lazy and selfish. If you believe those things, it may be holding you back from attracting more money and then getting the good things that you believe you are worthy of. In the area of love, you may believe that you are worthy of love and to be cared for, but you may also believe (and keep attracting) people that take your love and care because you may have an underlying belief that people will only love you for what you give them, rather than who you are. The good news is you can clear the resistance and have the life you want. Here are my best tips for doing that:

1.Put the power to choose back inside of yourself

There are so many messages around us that say that we are powerless. As babies we need to trust our parents to give us what we want and desire. After this, we learn to put this trust that we once put (outside of ourselves onto our parents) onto our teachers, God, police, our partners, our boss or employer, the Government, our children… We are all guilty of this. This can lead to not trusting ourselves. The reality is, that we are creators of our life and every time we make a choice, we are creating. Once you know the power you have to make decisions and also the power you have to change and to attract the things you want, the more you trust it, the more control you will have over your life, the more you will attract and create the life you desire. More about trust here.

2. Use the discrepancy as feedback

As the examples above show, when you are not attracting the things you desire, use that as information to you that there is something within you that is blocking that. A belief. Blocks can be cleared. Beliefs can be changed. Spend some time asking yourself why to uncover your underlying beliefs. Everything you say, do and attract is feedback. What are your beliefs? Are they serving you? Perhaps you would like to change them. Support for that here.

3. Be grateful

By noticing what you do have, your brain will start getting used to noticing more things that you have and also, things that you can attract which will then give you more things to be grateful for. This is honestly the gateway to attracting what you want. If you gave someone $100 and they weren’t very appreciative, you probably will think again before doing that. However, if you gave someone $100 and they were incredibly grateful, they spent the money on something they usually couldn’t afford and told you how much that money made a difference, you would probably be more likely to give again. Be appreciative of what you receive. Change your perspective. We attract what we focus on. Which brings me to my next point.

4. Focus on what you want

Spend time daily daydreaming what it would be like to have what you want. Get really clear about this and use all your senses to get on board with feeling, thinking, smelling, touching, tasting what this would be like. Write some of this down or create a vision board. As your energy, your brain, your body, your senses start understanding what this would be like, it will start attracting things that line up with that and will begin to change into this new way of being. Your conscious mind is not bound by time. If you are imagining something, a lot of your body goes through the same experience as if you are actually experiencing it. If there’s anything that comes up during this, see step 2.

5. Take notice

When there are changes, take notice. This will also help you to see the changes and the progress you are making and change that hardwiring in your energy and provide evidence that you can create the life you choose.

If you have anything else to add, please leave a comment. I would love to hear how you are clearing your resistance and attracting the things that you choose.

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Building trust

In my last post, I started the conversation about trust. It was way too long so I had to make two! Haha. If you haven’t read the first post, read that first. This current post is focussed on what you can do to build trust.

  •  Don’t look to others to heal you, go to the CORE.

We are taught from a young age to put our trust outside of ourselves onto other people (just like we do when we are younger). So while relationships are a great opportunity for building trust, they can also be the most harmful too as they can actually reinforce negative beliefs or trust issues that we have learnt about ourselves and others earlier in life. If you feel that you are in a relationship that you have to be someone that you’re not, or that is actually harming you, where you don’t feel that you can trust them or yourself, you will know what I’m talking about. To really build trust, you need to uncover your beliefs about trusting others. Somewhere in your life you have learnt not to trust, where was that? Re-visit that earlier part of you and embrace them. I offer some clearing packages for this also.

  • Start by trusting yourself first

In order to attract a trusting relationship with another, the most important thing is to trust yourself first. Many of us will try relationship after relationship to try to find that trust, but often if we look outside of ourselves and put our trust outside onto another, we learn to depend on others, rather than looking after ourselves and depending on ourselves, which really, is the only one that can actually change anything. If you trust yourself, you will make changes that you need to to look after yourself and continue building that trust. If you trust yourself, you can leave toxic relationships, trusting yourself that you (and those that you care for, kids or otherwise) will be okay, you can trust that you can find love again but trust that you will be okay if you don’t and also, if you trust yourself, you will find that others are drawn to you and can trust you too. If you trust yourself, you will take the risk and show up as you really are.

  •  Show up

Trusting yourself involves embracing your true self and acting in alignment with that, even though it may feel a little weird to do so and even though you may be scared of what people will think of you. Be brave. Take courage. And get out there.

  •  Learn to communicate

Trust impacts on communication. If you haven’t had good role modelling, you may benefit from doing a course on communication. I wrote a post about resolving conflict that you may find useful too.

 

  • Wear blue

The colour blue is a calming and relaxing colour that promotes peace. It has many different meanings but it is a big one when it comes to trust and communication.

 

  • Stop beating yourself up.

End the cycle of shame by increasing your awareness of your patterns and the ways that your mind beats you up after doing something that doesn’t completely line up with your own values, something that may trigger a bunch of questions or analysing or criticism. Mindfulness techniques work magic.

  • Meridian Tapping

There are many that can help in this situation. Here is a video I created of a quick technique that I really like but feel free to do some research and find others.

Demonstration of meridian tapping exercise

 

  • Re-think your ‘failures’

When their is a core belief around failure and trust, it will manifest itself in many different ways to reinforce that belief. If you aren’t having this, understand that this is showing up to show you your belief and the issues that need to be cleared.

Also, check out this blog by my good friend Tyson Failure Is Just Feedback.

  • Try something new

This can be something that is really tricky for people to do when trust is at stake. As above, if you’ve tried something and failed, it can be hard to try again. If you have loved and had massive loss, it’s hard to love again. Start with something small that doesn’t matter too much to you if it doesn’t work out (anything creative is great!). If you can do it, it can start to change some of those patterns of thinking.

  • Don’t quit

If there’s something that you’ve wanted to do that you have tried and you didn’t succeed, remember the “failure is feedback” and try again. Make changes and try again. Make changes and try again… You will eventually crack the code!

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share other ideas of building trust in yourself. This list is just the beginning!

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Trust

Do you keep making the same mistakes? Are you worried about trying something new? Scared you’ll fail? Feel like there is something holding you back from doing the things that really make you happy? Do you feel stuck? Are you concerned that a good time will run out or that you won’t have enough money later on? Are you concerned about things happening in the future and fear that you won’t know how to manage the situation? Are you noticing that you are editing what you say or feeling a lack of confidence in yourself? You could have an issue with trust. Read on.

Trust starts at conception and with our caregivers as we are reliant on them to provide our needs. Over time, we learn to ask for things that we need and discover that the world is a safe place where we can love and trust others and a place where if we have a need or an issue, that we can resolve this with help from those around us. As we grow, we begin to test things out and try things to build trust in ourselves and others. This process of testing is really prominent in the adolescent stage where we are really forming our own identity, separate from others. If we make good choices and we ask for something and are given what we need (even if we ask for something other than we need but are given the thing we need), we learn to trust ourselves and those around us. However, there are many different things that can happen that can disrupt that level of trust in ourselves and in others; starting with our caregivers or early relationships such as neglect, abuse, loss, harsh discipline or punishment, religion (yes I totally said religion) but also with trust in ourselves as we may have made some mistakes that had quite devastating consequences, or we may not have been able to make mistakes with an over-protecting parent. I am yet to find another person who hasn’t had an issue with trust (either in themselves or trusting others) come up in some time in their lives. And I am not immune to this either!! For this reason, within the Energy Clearing work that I do with people, we briefly re-visit the past as it is here where our beliefs have developed and a lack of trust begins as once these beliefs are formed, they get reinforced throughout our lives.

I have worked a lot around trust in my personal life as well as my professional life so feel like I have so much to say about this topic (far more than I can possibly say in just one post!). Much of my counselling experience has been working with addictions (particularly gambling, alcohol and drugs) where trust is huge and I have also done some specialised training in relationship counselling where I worked with couples too. I have noticed that even if a person was able to stop one behavior, for example, gambling; the same issue would manifest somewhere else, like food, smoking cigarettes, shopping. They can feel that they can’t trust themselves which keeps getting reinforced when they don’t have control and this leads to others not trusting them too. Even more so if the behaviour is causing harm to the other person, either physically, socially or financially too.

Trust is such a deep rooted issue. Like something that is at our very core and deepest part of ourselves so while writing this blog, I wore red as red is the colour of the root chakra which is where our survival instinct is, where many of our inherited family stuff is and much of our survival tendencies. It is located at the root of the spine and as the energy naturally flows up, it is the first chakra and one that holds many of the things that you feel are grounding to you including our basic needs such as food, water, shelter and safety so it is no wonder that this is a very important chakra to discuss when talking about trust. Red is a colour that attracts attention too and usually something that can really motivate us, so hopefully this will motivate you in the area of emotional healing and trust 🙂

jasper-necklaceI also wore another chakra necklace that I created using the stone Jasper. A beautiful, nurturing stone that is the stone of the root chakra and one that is great to wear when working with emotional trauma.

 

Read my next post here to learn what you can do to build trust.